Picture This


By: Sasha Ormond


SASHA is sitting in a sun filled kitchen, video chatting with IAN (from England) on her computer.

IAN – How are you?

SASHA – I’m…oh, Ian, I’m exhausted. It was the longest…

IAN – Oh. Yeah…

SASHA – Day.

IAN – How long?

SASHA – About thirteen hours.

IAN – Jesus.

SASHA – With no real breaks.

IAN – Ugh.

SASHA – Ugh isn’t a word, Ian.

IAN – Okay, Woody Allen. Okay.

SASHA – Oh, shut up.

IAN – I am talking to a real American film director.

SASHA – Ah, music video director. Also, you’re an idiot. Canadians are not the same as Amer…

IAN – (Sarcastically) Did you just order people around all day and make them bring you coffee and tell the actors that they were NOT doing a good job?

SASHA – Idiot.

They both laugh. SASHA leans back in her chair, sleepily rubs her face and runs her fingers through her hair.

IAN – Yes.

SASHA – I can’t believe we pulled it together in one day. It was…

IAN – It usually takes longer?

SASHA – Well, usually for music videos, I think…

IAN – Two days?

SASHA – Yeah, two. Maybe three. A week even, depending on the budget and the director and…

IAN – Whether or not he or she is a total perfectionist?

SASHA – Ha! Yeah. Yes. But, I mean, in this case I didn’t have the option. The perfection option.

IAN – Right.

SASHA – We had to shoot it in one day. With a skeleton crew. A skeleton crew of a skeleton crew…

IAN – So, basically, you and your best friends…

SASHA – (Laughing) Yes! Four of us. Yes.

IAN – And a borrowed camera.

SASHA – Yes.

IAN – And lights from the hardware store…

SASHA – Stop it! Yes.

IAN – And a home made, also borrowed, steady-cam type apparatus…

SASHA – OKAY! Yes. I’m a professional. Stop it.

IAN – James Cameron.

SASHA – Guerrilla filmmaker extraordinaire.

IAN – Oh. Ok.

SASHA – This album though, Ian. This album is going to be…it’s just incredible.

IAN – It’s out soon-ish?

SASHA – Yeah. Well, summer…ish!

IAN – So, why do a video now? I don’t…

SASHA – Well, this one song, it’s going to be featured in this Ash Christian film…

IAN – What film?

SASHA – Um, it’s called Petunia. So, Emilie wants the music video release to coincide with that.

SASHA stretches and throws her head back.

SASHA – Publicity and all of that stuff. You know.

IAN – God.

SASHA – I know. It’s so strange, this kind of conversation. I mean, we usually talk about…

IAN – Useless things…

SASHA – NO! It’s just, to talk about the technical stuff…the names and the dates and the WORK involved in making art, the concepts, actually come to life. It’s like, this glaring contrast! It makes me uncomfortable!

IAN – Yes, we usually just talk about the abstract ideas and the process. It’s strange to think that a lot of real work has to go in to these things. These final things that the public sees. That we SEE.

SASHA – We can talk for hours about…and we have…about the art we love and how we love to make it…in these sort of sweeping generalizations, and now it’s like, ‘hey, today was long and hard and not inspiring or beautiful and marketing and blah blah blah’.

IAN – Worth it, though. For the end result.

SASHA – Completely worth it. But I do prefer our talks about music and film and how they make us FEEL.

IAN – Me too. Should we plug the album here?

SASHA – Yes.

They both laugh and put on news announcer voices, looking into their respective cameras with huge smiles, overdone hand movements and facial expressions.

IAN – The newest album release, Mighty Time, by musical genius, Emilie Mover, due out this summer…

SASHA – …Ish. Watch for the new video…

IAN – (Interrupting) Just shot in the MOST independent of fashions. For the love of art…

SASHA – (Rolls her eyes) Oh, lord…for the song ‘Pret-a-Porter’ out this spring!

IAN – Oh, god, it’s weird.

SASHA – It’s SO weird! Can we just talk about the stuff that doesn’t involve the…this stuff?

IAN – Yes, let’s talk in sweeping generalizations about the correlation between music and film…

SASHA – And how when you really love something, when it really moves you, you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it come to life…

IAN – And how real art doesn’t require money or even too much expertise…

SASHA – (Laughing) Okay, okay, okay. Smart ass.

There is a pause in the conversation.

SASHA – Ian?

IAN – Yes.

SASHA – I think I really, genuinely love shooting music videos.

IAN – You have talked about this before…

SASHA – I know. I know, but now it’s…Well, now I’ve really done a big one and that feeling, that same feeling I get when I’m making little short, art films, that same feeling was there, despite the hard work and…shininess of it all.

IAN – That’s a good sign.

SASHA – It’s so easy, with good music, to make it a watchable thing. It’s almost this seamless transition.

IAN – They really are, if well done, one in the same. It makes me sick. In the best way. Imagine some of the films we see WITHOUT the score. Or the soundtrack.

SASHA – Right! Or, the songs we hear and how they are brought to life by the music videos made for them.

IAN – They need one another.

SASHA – What a beautiful…

IAN – Oh, here we go…

SASHA – Almost magical relation.

IAN – Yes.

SASHA – And that’s art, at its core, isn’t it?

IAN – That it comes together and works, no matter what, if the intention and roots and goodness are there?

SASHA – Right. No matter what you are making. Film, music, writing, painting, you can just let go and trust that if it’s coming from this real place, that it will be what it will be…

IAN – And you can just trust that…and the process…and not even think TOO much about what you are trying to make.

SASHA – Yes! Just rely on the feelings that are elicited or evoked and your sense as an artist in general and the rest will just happen. And that’s beautiful. And it makes me feel better about projects in general. Whether I’m on a big set somewhere

filming, or in my apartment with my best friends, shooting with almost nothing, it will be the same. Because it comes from the same place.

IAN – The core. The ‘unchangeable by external circumstance’ core.

SASHA – Music is one of the only reasons I make films.

IAN – Music is one of the only reasons I like films.

SASHA – They are married. Like us.

IAN – You wish. Mental. But I guess I will consider marrying you now that you’re making fancier music videos.

SASHA – Move to Canada. It’s better here.

IAN – Okay.

SASHA – You can actually see Emilie play live. She is so incredible.

IAN – Only if you film me doing it.

SASHA – Okay. I’ll just document your life.

IAN – Because I am a famous music reviewer.

SASHA – Oh Christ. Should I plug your blog? I’m going to…


SASHA - http://teasplashreviews.blogspot.com/

IAN – Oh, God.

SASHA – Hey, we all have to support one another, right? It’s all related. This scene! This art stuff.

IAN – Stop this…

SASHA is laughing. IAN is deadpan.

SASHA – I’m starving. And I need to nap.

IAN – And go over in your head a million times how incredibly connected and magical all of this music and film stuff is.

SASHA – Your dry British wit is only a cover up. You know you believe in it too.

IAN – Bye!

IAN waves into the camera.

SASHA – Bye!

SASHA waves, closes the computer and collapses onto the table with the afternoon sun still pouring into the kitchen.


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