Roller Derby: WTF?

by: Stacie Robinson

Aka #101 Stacie Jones – A proud member of the Tri-City Roller Girls! You can usually find me on the track sporting some kind of ridiculous war paint. Roller derby, punk rock and pugs sum up my life quite nicely. When I’m not corrupting your children at work, I’m probably doing something on roller skates.

Roller Derby WTF?!

Ok, so a few years back you saw the movie Whip It! Maybe you watched it because you
had a thing for Ellen Page, or you remembered seeing that kind of thing on TV years
ago. And while you liked the fishnets, tattoos and aggression that “roller derby” had to
offer, it didn’t really make a lick of goddamn sense to you. Fast forward to present day
and the “weird girl” that you work with is trying to get you out to watch her play roller
derby. If you live in Waterloo Region, there’s a very good chance you’ve now become
acquainted with a Tri-City Roller Girl. You know what? Consider yourself lucky, because
we’re pretty rad!

So you’ve decided that you’re actually going to come out to a game (if only to get “weird
girl” off your back). Now, I could sit here and try to explain what we do until I’m blue
in the face, but you really need to check it out to understand what the heck is going
on. Our season opener is Saturday, April 14th in New Hamburg and this event is a great
introduction to our league. Got a question about something that we do? There are
always plenty of derby girls floating around during games. While we may look terrifying
(and possibly smell as such) we’re actually a pretty jovial bunch and we loooove to talk
about what we do. If you like to read up on stuff and junk before you dive head first into
new experiences, here are a couple good places to find out more about the derbs.

We have a website! www.tricityrollergirls.com Look here to find our season
schedule, check out team and player profiles and creep pictures of our good
looking gals.

The Tri-City Roller Girls are a member of the Women’s Flat Track Derby
Association (WFTDA) and we play by their rule set. Check ‘em out here: http://
wftda.com/

So you want to strike up a conversation with one of us. Here are a few notes that will
help your conversation go smoothly with a derby girl:

Everything we do is real… this ain’t no choreographed wrestling event (a viable
form of sport entertainment no less, but much different than what we do). All
the hits we make, the falls we take and the outcomes are 100% real.

Yes, we’re familiar with “Skinny Minnie Miller”. If our eyes roll into the back of
our heads when you bring her up, we apologize in advance. She’s a lovely lady
and we get where you’re going with that, but 1000 other people have said the
same thing.

Find out about some of the icons of modern roller derby. It will go a long way in
getting our kind to think you’re pretty cool. Google Suzy Hotrod… thank me later.

You know what? Perhaps for some of you I’m preaching to the choir. You’ve been to
the games, you’ve seen our awesomeness and now you’re left yearning for more derby
love. We are currently taking on new recruits (we’ll call you Fresh Meat… it’s a term of
endearment, really!) for our 2012 boot camp. Our Derby 101 program begins Monday,
April 23, and will run every Monday from 7:00-9:00pm until the Fall. Derby 101 is a great

place to learn the skills you’ll need to be a kick-ass derby girl. No experience necessary
to join. The arena boards will do a decent job of holding many of you up the first few
times you’re out. Do keep one thing in mind though – this is, in fact, a SPORT. Dressing
up in fishnets and wearing roller skates is fun, but be prepared to work your ass off.
You’re probably going to work harder than you ever have before. You might even wake
up on Tuesday morning feeling like you were hit by a truck (a good looking truck with
shiny shorts, no less). You’re going to fall… this is fact. There’s a lot of other stuff you’ll
need to know to get started so for more info on how to become a skater, so hit up our
Fresh Meat reps at TCRGfreshmeat@hotmail.com.

The derby community is a pretty awesome one. You like what it has to offer, but you’re
not stoked on the idea of taking crushing blows from one or more of our lovely gals.
Maybe you’re a dude and you’re not sure how you feel about rocking fishnets and hot
shorts (or maybe you know you look good in them – we don’t hate). The Tri-City Roller
Girls are always looking for refs and other volunteers to help keep our league organized
and running strong. For more info on volunteering and/or reffing – get in touch with us
here: tcrgarmy@gmail.com.

Okay, okay! You’re coming now so I’ll shut up and leave you alone (see what I did there?
I’m that weird girl at work that keeps bugging you about roller derby), well at least until
our next game. We here at Tri-City Roller Girls Inc. are looking forward to seeing you out
this season. You keep coming back and we’ll keep entertaining – so much winning!

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